What I learned when I moved to the UK
I was recently approached by a current student at my alma mater, Wisconsin Lutheran College, who asked me a really unique question: ” I was wondering if there is something you wish you knew when you moved to London?”
An innocuous enough question, but one that really got me thinking, what did I learn in those early days as a new wife, daughter-in-law and job-hunter? Here’s an excerpt of what I came up with. Of course, my experience was unique, but I thought I’d share it in case it’s helpful or entertaining for you, too.
Same language, quite a different culture.
I was very fortunate when I came here because Phil and his family were very supportive. But I remember that I struggled, initially, to find something his Mum and I could talk about. Having previously lived in Bulgaria where I didn’t speak much Bulgarian, I never imagined I’d have a hard time communicating with people here in the UK. But I did at first because I didn’t have the cultural frame of reference I needed to really connect.
In the end, to connect with my mother-in-law, I started watching her favourite soaps on TV so I could discuss them with her. They were a bit corny and I didn’t particularly enjoy them, but they gave me some common ground she and I could talk about. As I got to know her, other things took the place of these soaps to drive our conversation and relationship forward, but I’m glad that I had these to use in my early days in the UK.
And actually, it was probably a good thing to have watched these programmes because long-running soaps like EastEnders and Coronation Street are UK institutions. References to the places and characters in these shows often come up as cultural references in pub quizzes and other general knowledge tests. Most everyone in the UK can tell you who Kat Slater is. And Ken and Deidre Barlow are familiar names with anyone who lived in the UK in the 90’s and early noughties.
The TV programmes have changed, but the ability to use them as a way of connecting to people has not. I recommend watching The Great British Bake-off and UK’s Strictly Come Dancing, for example… these will give you a good frame of reference for the “water cooler” moments in your early days here in the UK.
Polite doesn’t equal agreement or acceptance, merely tolerance.
This has been the hardest lesson for me. I wear my heart on my sleeve and am very passionate about what I believe — about what is right and wrong. I’ve been surprised and occasionally disappointed when I’ve discovered that people that I thought agreed with me were merely placating me. I’ve not experienced that so much in the States where I’ve perceived people to be more honest and similarly transparent about whether they agree or disagree with you.
Here in the UK, if you are building relationships with people, it may take quite a long time before they will be comfortable having an honest conversation and potentially causing conflict; you may struggle to really know what a person actually thinks.
Two countries divided by a common language.
Have you heard that before? Well, it is very true. Even after 20 years, there are some words that still trip me up when I’m speaking… dollars/bucks vs. pounds/quid, aluminum vs. aluminium (with that pesky, pronounced ‘i’ in the last syllable), vacation vs. holiday, Leicester (pronounced as Lester, not Lichester). You will amass your own personal collection of words that will trip you up and make you sound like you are just off the boat. Get ready to laugh at yourself, because most Brits will love to have a laugh and correct you. It will endear you to them and, if you take the correction, it will be a great, easy way to make acquaintances.
Make your accent an asset.
If you are a person who is able to learn and speak with a different accent, you are lucky. If you learn an English accent, it will help you blend into the crowd and not appear like a tourist. Closely related to being able to read and write like a Brit is the ability to speak like one, too. This has proven impossible for me. I’ve been unable to learn to speak with an English accent, despite trying; it always sounds ridiculous when I attempt.
But, in the working world, my American accent has been an asset for me. Where most of my work is done on audio calls, when I say something on a call, everyone knows that it is Sandy who is speaking. I have very clear voice recognition. In face to face meetings where introductions are fast, people may struggle to remember the names of other people in the room, but they always remember Sandy the American.
There are times when I’ve wished that my American accent wasn’t so pronounced. Outside of work, if I happen to say something to a person I meet on the street. They hear my voice and immediately think I’m a tourist. But overall, in the corporate world, my accent has helped me stand out and get credit for my thoughts and ideas.
Pick a team.
And be prepared to stick with them through thick and thin for as long as you are here.
You probably watch/like/are passionate about a sport. That’s great. If it’s not English football (soccer), then I strongly encourage you to do a bit of research and pick a UK football team to follow. Football is everywhere. In every pub, in every house, on nearly every TV and radio station at the weekends, at the start of many work audio calls (the water cooler moment of the remote working environment). It is most men’s and many women’s passion.
I personally don’t enjoy sport. But even more than watching soaps to speak to my mother-in-law, I have learned various football factoids and keep an eye on the weekly scores, stories and league tables so I can relate to most of the rest of the UK population.
It doesn’t really matter which UK team you follow, but pick one and learn to know and follow them. And I stress here UK team. A European team that thrashes a UK team could land you in trouble if you say you follow them. But, whatever you do, don’t be a fickle fan. If your team falls out of its league and you lose faith in them, don’t just think you can pick a different team; you earn respect here by sticking with your team through think and thin.
Laundry and dishes are universal.
If you are ever feeling out of place and want to feel useful, offer to do the dishes. People in your home country will always think you are exotic and life is so charmed since you are frequently travelling, but no matter where you are in this world, laundry and dishes have to be done all the same and offering to do the dishes or clear the table when you’re at someone’s house will help to build rapport with new acquaintances.
What about you?
Are you living as an expat? Do any of these resonate with you? Share your thoughts below.
